“Weight 136 lb” – this is the first truth about herself that Bridget Jones confesses in her diary on 1st January, now that she seems adamant to take control of her life. The resolution she makes is to “lose 20 pounds, obviously.” And it’s not because she wants to be fit and healthy or because she wants to reduce her blood pressure or her diabetes risk.
It’s “obviously” because she feels fat.
What does “feeling fat” even mean? The expression doesn’t denote a feeling, but a narrative about herself that screams how ugly, unlovable, unworthy she thinks she is.
Why does she feel fat? Well, she is 32, not married and far from her ideal weight: an unacceptable combination of factors indicating how pathetically she has failed to meet societal expectations.
“Fatness has long been defined as a moral failing,” argues Sophie Vershbow in a Vogue article, stressing the idea that this flaw is assumed to be rectified only by means of one’s sheer determination and willpower while it actually is “a messy combination of genetics, socioeconomic status, nutrition, exercise and so much more.”
So, how do we overcome the narrative of “feeling fat?”
Our weight has actually less to do with it than it has to do with something else which is more profound, subtle and may easily escape your awareness.
The skeleton in our closet is not our weight.
It may be a trauma that you suffered in your childhood and it hasn’t been healed, in which case it’s vital that you ask the help of a therapist. It may be an issue related to your low self-esteem, a negative (or more) limiting beliefs, a lack of love and respect for your own person.
I believe that everything starts from showing courage to face the truth about yourself and then acting on it. Once you start redirecting your life on the path of authenticity, continuous self-discovery and self-growth, tackling the weight issue will come more easily.
Overcoming Weight Problems is a book I fully recommend as it supports you with a range of practical advice.
The authors suggest that the key to a dramatic change is motivation: “If people are motivated to lose weight for important personal reasons, they tend to do well. If they try because they think they ‘should,’ they don’t do well at all.”
If you have strong personal reasons (for example, a history of diabetes in your family), but they still don’t seem to work for you, then you may consider losing weight as difficult an endeavour as any other problem you have faced in your life. How did you confront it? What helped you not give up? How did you manage a challenging situation that lasted a long time?
The exercise that proves to be particularly effective for my clients is to imagine themselves in 3 years’, 5 years’ or 10 years’ time: How old will they be then? How old will the people close to them be? What will they be able to do physically if they don’t change their habits? How will they be feeling about themselves if they haven’t taken action? What will their life look like?
So, I want to ask you now, my dear reader:
What’s the right direction for you?
What is the first and smallest step to get you where you want to be?
Further reading:
Sophie Vershbow, “Did Bridget Jones Make Us Hate Our Bodies?”
Clare Grace, Vicky Lawson, Jeremy Gauntless-Gilbert, Overcoming Weight Problems
What kind of relationships do you want? 
If I were to answer your question how I would see myself in 3 years without doing sports, the answer would be unpleasant enough for me to motivate me to take care of myself. I’ll keep it in my mind!
We all know that emotions are the main reasons why we end up eating compulsively.
That’s why self-loving includes also this component of taking care of your own emotions and being in the same time grateful to this body that ultimately carries everything: soul, emotions, kilos… us
Thank you for this article!
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Thank you, Claudia, for this insightful article. I fully agree with you, the weight problem is just the tip of the iceberg. The basis is represented by our capacity to effectively manage our emotions and to face the every day challenge from a self-loving perspective. For sure, diet helps; sport makes a tremendous difference on the path towards a healthy life. Working with us and with our capacity to deal with uncomfortable emotions is key. An effective approach towards weight loss might consider coaching as a tool supporting the client in finding a tailored solution for a healthier and happier life. If someone decides for coaching, then I highly recommend you. One will find a dedicated and compassionate coach, ready to ask the right questions for supporting the client to see new perspectives and find motivation.
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Dear reader,
Thank you for reading my articles so attentively and giving me feedback. I do appreciate this.
I wrote this article (which isn’t exhaustive, obviously) as I talk to many people, especially women, who worry excessively that they don’t look like some models on the cover of fashion magazines or like celebrities who all seem to have perfect bodies. Not surprisingly, they put an extra burden of stress on themselves. And isn’t it a shame? It’s important to ask the right questions about what matters most and why.
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