“Fatness has long been defined as a moral failing.” Sophie Vershbow
“Weight 136 lb” – this is how Bridget Jones starts her diary entry on 1st January when she seems adamant to take control of her life and decides to “lose 20 pounds, obviously.”
It doesn’t take long for us to understand that Bridget is desperate to lose weight: “My bottom is the size of Brazil,” she confesses later in the movie, and we laugh heartily.
We laugh with her as we love her honest, self-deprecating jokes accompanied by her brow scrunching, biting lips and e may recognize ourselves in her inner critic, in her struggles with body weight and self-image: she is obsessed to lose weight not because she wants to improve her physical health, energy or stamina, nor because she hopes to reduce joint and back pain.
It’s because she is 32, far from her ideal weight and single, a combination of factors that the 1990s London society would likely have frowned upon.
Bridget’s story will deeply resonate with us when we understand one thing:
The skeleton in our closet is not our weight.
It is our limiting beliefs, usually hidden beneath the common expression that many of us must have uttered with a resigned sigh: “I’m feeling fat.”
Well, “feeling fat” is not a feeling.
It’s a self-worth narrative we have unconsciously created, closely intertwined with a sense of social inadequacy: it’s as if we fail to meet society’s expectations of attractivenes and status.
One way to find out what haunting narrative you have constructed is to ask yourself:
If the word ‘fat’ didn’t exist, what would I replace it with?
Is it “imperfect, not enough, ashamed, unseen, unworthy of love, unworthy of happiness”?
The answer, which is often very challenging to acknowledge, reveals the inner part of yourself that requires your full attention without delay.
Your self-worth is your foundation.
That is why addressing the weight problem first is doomed to fail. It’s like building something on quicksand: your effort, time and probably money will be wasted because the foundation is not stable.
When you start working from the inside out, losing weight will no longer be about self-criticism, self-punishment and restriction, but about self-care, self-compassion and alignment.
Further reading:
Sophie Vershbow, “Did Bridget Jones Make Us Hate Our Bodies?”
What kind of relationships do you want? 
If I were to answer your question how I would see myself in 3 years without doing sports, the answer would be unpleasant enough for me to motivate me to take care of myself. I’ll keep it in my mind!
We all know that emotions are the main reasons why we end up eating compulsively.
That’s why self-loving includes also this component of taking care of your own emotions and being in the same time grateful to this body that ultimately carries everything: soul, emotions, kilos… us
Thank you for this article!
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Thank you, Claudia, for this insightful article. I fully agree with you, the weight problem is just the tip of the iceberg. The basis is represented by our capacity to effectively manage our emotions and to face the every day challenge from a self-loving perspective. For sure, diet helps; sport makes a tremendous difference on the path towards a healthy life. Working with us and with our capacity to deal with uncomfortable emotions is key. An effective approach towards weight loss might consider coaching as a tool supporting the client in finding a tailored solution for a healthier and happier life. If someone decides for coaching, then I highly recommend you. One will find a dedicated and compassionate coach, ready to ask the right questions for supporting the client to see new perspectives and find motivation.
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Dear reader,
Thank you for reading my articles so attentively and giving me feedback. I do appreciate this.
I wrote this article (which isn’t exhaustive, obviously) as I talk to many people, especially women, who worry excessively that they don’t look like some models on the cover of fashion magazines or like celebrities who all seem to have perfect bodies. Not surprisingly, they put an extra burden of stress on themselves. And isn’t it a shame? It’s important to ask the right questions about what matters most and why.
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