Face Your Shadow

St Gregory of Nazianzus: “That which is not acknowledged cannot be healed.”

Tell me if you recognise this iconic painting from a few hints: on a bridge in a warped landscape, there’s a figure whose body seems to be dissolving. The eyes are hollow. The mouth is an oval of despair. The palms press tightly against the ears.

You’re right. Of course it’s Edvard Munch’s Scream. There aren’t many paintings that reveal so disturbingly the shock, fear and despair that humanity can confront.

To me, this is the silent scream of anybody who will encounter their own shadow.

If you believe you’re the golden exception to the rule, here’s some bad news: you’re not.

Everybody has a shadow – a dark side of our personality that includes all those tendencies, thoughts, behaviors that we have unconsciously repressed since childhood in order to conform ourselves to societal norms and expectations.

Now, here’s some good news: we can learn to recognize the hidden parts of ourselves and transform them under a few crucial conditions.

Let’s see what American psychologists Lisa Marchiano, Deborah C. Stewart și Joseph R. Lee say about the shadow. Apparently, it reveals itself in the second half of our life when our psyche is strong enough to endure a dark descent into the hidden self.

We are at an age when we know (or so we imagine) who we are, what we want, what our boundaries are, what we like, what role we have in society, what is right and wrong. One day, however, we wake up to realize that nothing makes sense, that everything we have built isn’t sufficient enough, that we depend on somebody else to make us happy. This internal crisis, which we usually consider a passing phase, doesn’t go away by sheer will.

The way I see it, if you hope that a Caribbean getaway will make your problem sink beneath the mesmerizing, crystal-clear waves, don’t hold your breath: your crisis will keep deepening, boiling beneath the surface like lava, ready to erupt when you least expect it.

Specialised literature shows that, except for critical situations when we are forced to confront it, we meet our shadow almost every day, but it goes unnoticed.

Why do we hate someone passionately? Why do we judge other people strongly, with contempt and superiority? Why do we feel humiliated by someone? Why do we feel such bitter regret over a slip of the tongue? Why do we laugh at licentious jokes? Why do we despise a mere passer-by? Why are we haunted by the same dream?

If, for instance, we hate somebody because they did something we consider unacceptable, it’s worth asking ourselves: “When did I do something unacceptable?”

How do we integrate the shadow?

In complete accord with Jung’s concept, James Hillman affirms that the integration of the shadow is a moral issue entailing the acknowledgement of “what we have repressed, how we perform our repressions, how we rationalize and deceive ourselves, what sort of goals we have and what we have hurt, even maimed, in the name of these goals.”

As Hillman beautifully puts it, the key to the shadow work is self-love: “How far can our love extend to the broken and ruined parts of ourselves, the disgusting and perverse? How much charity and compassion have we for our own weakness and sickness?” Loving ourselves for who we are brings about a moment of revelation and “joyful acceptance” of yourself and the others.

The paradox can be a solution to approach the shadow, argues Robert A. Johnson. Alluding to the famous question, “What good could come from Nazareth?” Johnson challenges us to reflect whether there is something good in that part of ourselves that we brush aside. Surprisingly, the best can be found in that very “neglected quarter.” Human existence is full of paradoxes: day makes sense only in contrast to night, masculinity is relevant only in contrast to feminity, north to south, joy to sobriety. An electric plug functions if it has access to negative and positive electrical charge.

Reality cannot be understood only in one of its aspects, but in its completeness. “Personal suffering begins when we are crucified between these opposites,” when we embrace one aspect and deny or dismiss the other. This contradiction is painful, Johnson claims, because it’s meaningless: “One can endure any suffering if it has meaning; but meaninglessness is unbearable.” If we accept and bear the brunt of dichotomies, we “embrace the paradox” – the creative way of living, a sign of spiritual strength and maturity.

Facing the shadow will help us see who we really are. Only in this way can we be more understanding and compassionate toward the others who are fallible human beings just like us.

Resources:

Robert Bly, A little Book on the Human Shadow

Lisa Marchiano, Deborah C. Stewart și Joseph R. Lee, The Jungian Life Podcast

James Hillman (Meeting the Shadow

Robert A. Johnson, Owning Your Own Shadow.