“Fatness has long been defined as a moral failing.” Sophie Vershbow
“Weight 136 lb” – this is how Bridget Jones begins her diary entry on 1 January when, determined to take control of her life, she decides to tell “the whole truth” about herself – a truth which includes the goal of losing 20 pounds, “obviously.”
Within a few minutes of the movie, it becomes “obvious” what we have already suspected: Bridget is desperate to lose weight. “My bottom is the size of Brazil,” she confesses, and we laugh heartily, knowing what she doesn’t: her self-deprecating joke is anything but true.
It doesn’t take us long either to understand that her obsession with weight doesn’t stem from a desire to improve her physical health, energy or stamina, or from a hope of reducing joint and back pain.
It stems from what 1990s London society would describe as a distasteful combination of factors – she is 32, far from her ideal weight, smokes, drinks, and is single – something she is constantly made to feel she should fix if she wants to achieve what is framed as the purpose (and dream?) of every woman: becoming someone’s wife (who would have seen this coming, two centuries after “Pride and Prejudice” took the world by storm?).
“If I didn’t change soon, I was going to live a life where my major relationship was with a bottle of wine, and I’d finally die fat and alone” – she wails, and we laugh again.
We laugh with her because we may recognize ourselves not only in her struggles with body weight, but also in her harsh inner critic, her deepest fears and her self-defeating beliefs, one of which is that attaining the “right” weight will fix her life by delivering the “right” partner, success, and all the happiness she’s been longing for her whole life.
Do we laugh so we don’t cry, knowing that Bridget’s skeleton in the closet – her low self-worth – may be ours as well?
What’s a better indicator than our habits around weight?
How often do we turn up songs whose lyrics echo our feelings of inadequacy, loneliness and being misunderstood while indulging in triple chocolate cakes with fudgy frosting and caramel-swirled ice cream – the sweeter, the better?
How many positive mantras do we need to incant to convince ourselves that our bottoms are not the size of Brazil, although the mirror suggests otherwise, just to enjoy a brief carefree life?
How often do we swallow hard imagining a rich portion of spicy garlic salmon over golden, crispy edged-potatoes generously coated in butter only to look despondently in the direction of our fridge brimming with life: leafy greens, ripe avocadoes and bright peppers?
How many glasses of somptuous, blackcurrant flavoured Cabernet Sauvignon and gripping seasons of “Game of Thrones” does it take before the usual I-feel-soo-fat inner talk is drowned out by a fantasy where we, slim and toned, have the world at our feet?
What does “feeling fat” even mean?
It’s definitely not a feeling – it’s a self-worth narrative we have constructed, often unconsciously, under the powerful influence of society’s beauty standards and expectations which, when we don’t meet, we are likely to experience a (deep) sense of inadequacy: we fail, personally and socially.
Feeling fat is a self-judgement.
If the word ‘fat’ didn’t exist, what would you replace it with?
Let’s make a list together: imperfect, not enough, ashamed, unseen, unworthy of love, unworthy of happiness, insecure, vulnerable, scared.
The answer, painful as it may be to acknowledge, reveals the inner part of yourself that requires your full attention without delay.
Our self-worth is our foundation.
That is why addressing the weight problem first, and exclusively, is sooner or later, doomed to fail – it’s like building something on quicksand: your effort, time and probably money will be wasted because the foundation is not stable.
When we start working from the inside out, losing weight will no longer be about self-criticism, self-pity and self-punishment, but about self-care, self-compassion and alignment.
And when we fail in our attempts, which is likely for normal human beings, Bridget’s honest laughter and courage may be exactly what we need:
“Hoo… ding-dong… I think Brazil is my favourite size.”
Resources:
Sophie Vershbow, “Did Bridget Jones Make Us Hate Our Bodies?”
What kind of relationships do you want? 
If I were to answer your question how I would see myself in 3 years without doing sports, the answer would be unpleasant enough for me to motivate me to take care of myself. I’ll keep it in my mind!
We all know that emotions are the main reasons why we end up eating compulsively.
That’s why self-loving includes also this component of taking care of your own emotions and being in the same time grateful to this body that ultimately carries everything: soul, emotions, kilos… us
Thank you for this article!
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Thank you, Claudia, for this insightful article. I fully agree with you, the weight problem is just the tip of the iceberg. The basis is represented by our capacity to effectively manage our emotions and to face the every day challenge from a self-loving perspective. For sure, diet helps; sport makes a tremendous difference on the path towards a healthy life. Working with us and with our capacity to deal with uncomfortable emotions is key. An effective approach towards weight loss might consider coaching as a tool supporting the client in finding a tailored solution for a healthier and happier life. If someone decides for coaching, then I highly recommend you. One will find a dedicated and compassionate coach, ready to ask the right questions for supporting the client to see new perspectives and find motivation.
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Dear reader,
Thank you for reading my articles so attentively and giving me feedback. I do appreciate this.
I wrote this article (which isn’t exhaustive, obviously) as I talk to many people, especially women, who worry excessively that they don’t look like some models on the cover of fashion magazines or like celebrities who all seem to have perfect bodies. Not surprisingly, they put an extra burden of stress on themselves. And isn’t it a shame? It’s important to ask the right questions about what matters most and why.
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